So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
