So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
