wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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