One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
