Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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