dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
