failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
