I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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