I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
