This girl is more easily done than said...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
