i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
