Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
please come you make the beer taste better
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
