I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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