Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
