Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
