ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
