the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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