He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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