nut hugger
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
