When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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