I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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