Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
