I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
