Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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