there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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