Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
