He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
