all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Of course I have a pirate flag
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
