I'm really into asian looking animals
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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