He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
