i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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