Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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