i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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