He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
