at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
