I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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