since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
