I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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