I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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