Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
