He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
