Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
