i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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