And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
