tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
