how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
