If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
