i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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