Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
