just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
