Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
