Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
