Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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