I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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